BART Culture

May 20, 2016

Directed by Jess Thomas

With Kelli Crump & Jaime Lee Currier

 

We hear a subway train pull into a station, stop and the doors open. A voice announces “This Stop, Embaracdero” as lights slowly come up.

 

Jamie sits in a chair with an open seat next to her. She is examining her nails, and has headphones on listening to loud pop music, sometimes signing and bopping along. Kelli enters and mimes working her way through a crowded train car. She sits next to Jamie. She is tired from a long day of work, opens a book and

begins to read.

 

Jamie takes out a pair of nail clippers and begins to clip her nails (if there is anyway to get Jamie fake nails to make the clipping real that would be great)
 

Kelli is clearly disgusted but tries to ignore her for a few moments until...

 

KELLI
Excuse me... excuse me... EXCUSE ME! Do you really have to do that here?

(no response)
Oh yea, sure, just ignore me.

 

JAMIE
(too loud because she’s still listening to music) WHAT?

 

KELLI
Could you please not do that next to me?

 

JAMIE
Pfff, whatever (she continues cutting her nails)

 

KELLI
Your nail clippings are getting all over me, it’s disgusting. Can’t you wait till you get

home to do that?

 

JAMIE
(condescending) It’s a free country, we live in a democracy ma’am, that means I can

do whatever I want, whenever I want.

 

KELLI
No, No, that’s not what that means - democracy doesn’t mean you can get your

dead, disgusting skin cells all over me on a public train car! (JAMIE continues to trim her nails, ignoring Kelli)

(to Audience)

Does anyone else see this? Does anyone else care how unsanitary this is?!

 

JAMIE
Why don’t you just sit somewhere else?

 

KELLI
The train is packed, this is the only open seat and I’m exhausted.

(Jamie turns away in disgust, neither is willing to get up or cede any ground, then Kelli gets an idea. She takes out her phone and plays some classical music real loud{ode to joy? violin solo?} She holds it very close to Jamie to try to annoy her)

 

JAMIE

Could you please turn that down?!

 

KELLI

(extra shitty) It’s a free country.

(Kelli begins to hum or sing along to her music, and Jamie cut’s her nails in Kelli’s direction trying to annoy each other. Kelli turns up the volume and the musicmgets louder - the clipping get’s faster until the two stand and begin yelling at each other, lines overlapping)

 

JAMIE
YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF MY FACE!

 

KELLI
YOU NEED TO LEARN SOME COMMON DECENCY!

 

JAMIE

BACK OFF LADY!

 

KELLI
YOU THINK IT’S FINE TO TREAT PEOPLE LIKE THIS?

(They continue arguing as MAN enters as if coming from a different part of the car - he is filming with his iPhone)

 

MAN
(to audience as if other passengers on the train) Should we try to break this up?

 

JAMIE

FUCK YOU!

 

MAN
(to aud, scared) Never mind.

(MAN backs up but continues filming)

 

KELLI
How dare you talk to me like that!

(they are about to come to blows, Man runs off scared. they grab each other collars and Kelli drops the book she’s been holding, the cover says Men Explain Things to Me by Rebecca Solnit. Jamie sees the book on the floor and they both stop)

 

JAMIE
You’re reading Men Explain Things to Me?

 

KELLI
(still pissed) Yea what do you care?

 

JAMIE
I love that book.

 

KELLI

You’ve read it?

 

JAMIE
Four times! I can;t tell you how many times I’ve been mansplained to.

 

KELLI
Men talking to me like I’m a child!

 

JAMIE
Like being a woman means I’m helpless and confused at all times. (Quoting the

book) “His name was privilege...

 

KELLI
(continuing) “...but hers was possibility.” The worst part is when they don’t even

know they’re doing it - it’s just engrained into them to talk down to me.

 

JAMIE
I don’t want to be dismissed just because of my gender.

 

KELLI
Your opinions matter.

 

JAMIE
Your views are just as valid as any man’s!

 

MAN
(same guy before comes back on the car and sees the book)

Men explain things to me? Haha, goofy title - you ladies should read The Fountain Head. Great book, really smart. It’s like a cultural bridge to the future!

 

KELLI
Were we talking to you?

 

JAMIE
I have no desire to read that near-sighted, anti-feminist dribble.

 

MAN
No, no you probably just don’t understand it.

 

KELLI
(The ladies look at each other - to Jamie) Can I borrow your nail clippers?

 

JAMIE Sure

(she gives them to her and Kelli clips her nails in Man’s direction, Jamie turns up her pop music and sticks it in his face - driving him off-stage, the ladies celebrate with a high five, then we hear “This stop - West Oakland” over the loudspeaker)

 

KELLI

Drink?

 

JAMIE

Hell Yes!

 

(They exit, end)

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