Directed by Mario Gonzales
With Melissa Ortiz, Laura Peterson & Sarah David
Three female police investigators are working around a crime scene. All three have the same dark blue windbreaker on, dark pants, gloves, paper booties over their shoes, and their hair up in ponytails.
EVIDENCE MARKERS Drops tented numbered evidence markers where drops of blood are found on the ground.
CAMERA Takes a photo of the drop of blood and the evidence marker along with a brightly colored ruler she carries with her.
NOTEBOOK Takes notes on where the drop was found and its relation to other drops.
NOTEBOOK is engrossed in her work. The other two are kind of asshole jokesters who don’t really seem to be paying much attention.
CAMERA Did you watch it?
EVIDENCE MARKERS The whole thing. I was going to do laundry or something, but fuck it, you know?
CAMERA Do you think he did it?
EVIDENCE MARKERS I don’t know. I mean. What was the timeline of events?
CAMERA Did you read that one theory? About the brother?
EVIDENCE MARKERS No, but I saw the headline.
CAMERA I know it’s just reddit assholes, but it’s an interesting theory. You should read it.
EVIDENCE MARKERS I can’t believe I watched the whole thing.
CAMERA I know, right? It was kind of dull. But every time one episode ended I just couldn’t help it, you know?
Did you see it?
They both look at NOTEBOOK expectantly.
CAMERA What about “How To Get Away With Murder”?
EVIDENCE MARKERS Oh! That podcast? Serial?
NOTEBOOK Not really my thing.
CAMERA What about “True Detective?”
EVIDENCE MARKERS Or the “The Wire”?
CAMERA Oh! What about “Twin Peaks”?
EVIDENCE MARKERS “Numbers”? “Castle”? “Cold Case”? “Without a Trace”?
CAMERA “The Mentalist”? “Medium”? “Monk”? “Murder She Wrote?”
EVIDENCE MARKERS “Broadchurch”? “Wallander”? “Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries”? “Prime Suspect”?
EVIDENCE MARKERS Also: “BONES”? “NCIS”? “NCIS LA?”
CAMERA “Law and Order”, “Law and Order SVU”, “Law and Order Criminal Intent”.
EVIDENCE MARKERS “Criminal Minds”, “CSI Las Vegas”, “CSI New York”, “CSI Miami”, “CSI New Orleans”
NOTEBOOK Hey, how many hours have you two been on?
CAMERA and EVIDENCE MARKERS
NOTEBOOK I’ve been on 24. This is my job. Ok? This is what I do. I don’t watch it on TV.
EVIDENCE MARKERS 24 hours is a long time man.
CAMERA A long time.
EVIDENCE MARKERS But...in a way...it’s like you are binge watching work.
CAMERA It’s like, we are living Law and Order.
NOTEBOOK I hate you two so much.
CAMERA Wow. How come I never thought of it like this before? I’m like...what? That chick from “The Killing?”
EVIDENCE MARKERS Oh my God! Totally! You are so brooding! Hey, am I Dr. Brennan from “Bones?”
CAMERA You totally are!
EVIDENCE MARKERS and CAMERA
Can I be Scully?
They look at her.
From the “X-Files”?
Eeeeeeeehhhh... I don't see it.
Fuck you guys.
NOTEBOOK Yeah yeah. I got it. I got it.