THE LIFE AND TIMES OF THE SHANTIES OF BRYNIESHA THE SCORPION QUEEN a tragedy in reverse, so a
Directed by Jess Thomas
Featuring Jessica Risco & Nima Slone
CAST OF CHARACTERS:
SANDY – any gender / any age / any race / a writer and director and creative chief of a sunken cruise liner
SUNNY – female / any age / any race / top ingénue on aforementioned cruise liner
SETTING:
The deserted beach of a remote island
SCENE 12
The sounds of waves crashing on a deserted beach.
Music fades in quickly. Driving, intense, confrontational.
The sounds of a struggle onstage.
The music reaches a climax, as does the onstage attack.
Lights up abruptly.
SANDY stands over the dead body of SUNNY. She holds a bloody club.
SANDY
Yes. YAAAAS. I DID IT! I finally did it!!
(warrior banshee wail)
(drops to knees, over Sunny)
Thank you.
(maniacal laugh)
There! Do you see?! Can you see?!
(long beat)
Hello?
(long beat, look around)
Am I alone, now? Did – uhh -- did everyone leave?
(beat)
Shit.
TRANSITION
SCENE 11
SUNNY remains onstage in the same position, a BLANKET has been placed over her. At rise, she’s alone, trying to sleep as she shivers in the wind.
SANDY crawls on stealthily with the club and a knife in her mouth.
Sandy stands slowly, hesitates for a moment, looks offstage as if she’s being encouraged, then continues her ominous advance toward Sunny.
She makes a sound, and Sunny darts up from her slumber. Sandy hits the deck.
SUNNY
Hello?
Nothing, she cautiously goes back under the blanket.
Sandy coughs. Sunny darts back up.
SUNNY
WHO’S THERE?!
Nothing. Sunny gets up to inspect.
SUNNY
Sandy? Is that you? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to – I mean – I wanted – uhh, Sandy? Are you there?
SANDY
(makes a distant bird sound)
SUNNY
Was that a bird?
Sandy leaps to her feet, brandishing the knife.
SUNNY
Sandy! How long have you been there?
SANDY
Long enough to hear your bullshit apology! (bad mimic) I’m sorry – I mean – it just – EUUUGH!
SUNNY
Put down the knife.
SANDY
Why?
SUNNY
Because it’s me. You don’t wanna do this. Why would you? After everything we’ve been through--?
SANDY
Everything I’ve been through, Sunny! Me! Alone! Betrayed! Destroyed! Reborn.
SUNNY
This has been hard on both of us.
SANDY
Hard is only four fucking letters! We shouldn’t have survived, Sunny! Any of it!
SUNNY
But we did. Together.
SANDY
Why did you do it?! Just turn on me? Turn on us, the play?! You knew how much it meant / to me.
SUNNY
I know, I was trying to help--
SANDY
YOU’RE FUCKING KIDDING ME!
SUNNY
I wanted to make a clean break, so we could work on ourselves, just for a while. Just until we got rescued.
SANDY
What if the world ended? What if that’s what caused the accident? What if we’re the last two?
SUNNY
What’s the difference? To us, right now? What is the difference?
SANDY
(no response)
SUNNY
Put down the knife.
SANDY
We’re gonna die out here.
SUNNY
No, we’re not. Put it down.
SANDY
I can’t live like this. Not anymore. Look. There’s nothing in every direction. No one’s coming. I must rebuild anew.
SUNNY
Don’t talk like that. We -- have each other.
SANDY
No! We don’t! Not anymore!
SUNNY
You’re scaring me.
SANDY
Admit it, you were gonna do it if I didn’t. ADMIT IT, SUNNY!
SUNNY
You sound like Moses.
SANDY
So you can hear him, too?
SUNNY
Sandy…
SANDY
I needed someone to talk to!
SUNNY
Talk to me. Please.
SANDY
You don’t understand.
SUNNY
Sandy, Moses isn’t even—
SANDY
YAAAAAAA!
She tosses the knife clumsily. It is lobbed clear of Sunny.
SANDY
Crap.
SUNNY
Are you insane?!
SANDY
Probably!
Sunny goes for the knife, lobs it back, harmlessly.
The CLUB is between them. They both dive for it, struggle.
SUNNY
You need me Sandy. I’m the only thing keeping you from—
Sandy breaks away with the Club, stands and raises it over her head, prepared to deliver the killing blow.
Lights out.
We hear the first blow.
TRANSITION
SCENE 10
Sandy sits in the spotlight down stage right.
SANDY
What do you mean, be the “first to strike”? What does that mean?
She wouldn’t do that. I know her, she would never—
How can one truly exist when they’re trapped with the past?
No, I haven’t done everything. There’s still more I can—
Making it easier doesn’t make it right, Moses. I’m not even supposed to be talking to you. If Sunny found out—
No, no, I didn’t mean it like—
No, it’s wrong.
No, there is a law. Natural law.
Survival of the fittest.
Food for one.
Being forced to witness my own heartbreak over and over and over again.
Flourish. Accept the animal.
It was a threat. Not like the other times. It was real. You heard it, right?
I must survive. I must rebuild.
Thanks, Moses.
I love you, too.
(laughs)
Don’t be creepy.
TRANSITION
SCENE 9
SUNNY paces back and forth, mid-performance.
SANDY crouches downstage, observing.
SUNNY
The scorpions came back again last night. More this time. They came to a rest at my toes, as if something was repelling them. They clawed at me, I could hear the little snaps, but they never touched the skin. For I have become one with the tide. My world is theirs. And theirs mine own.
SANDY
No, I don’t like that.
SUNNY
What, now?
SANDY
“And theirs mine own”. I don’t want to come across as pretentious.
SUNNY
To who?!
SANDY
Don’t – please don’t do that. Not now. Not when we’re this close.
SUNNY
I’m sorry, but the whole process has sort of –
SANDY
Sort of what?
SUNNY
Let me finish. Can I / finish?
SANDY
I’m letting you finish! Sort of what? Sort of what, Sunny?! What has the process “sort of” done?!
SUNNY
Lost its appeal. I mean, come on. Give me a single reason why this benefits or enriches or helps anything?
SANDY
We’ve been over this.
SUNNY
I’m sorry, it feels pointless when we have to spend half the day scrounging for food.
SANDY
Moses said we need to / embrace our imagination.
SUNNY
Wait, you’re still talking with Moses?! Didn’t we agree you wouldn’t talk to Moses anymore??
SANDY
It’s been helpful, talking, now that we’re—
SUNNY
No, Sandy. You promised. You can’t betray my trust.
SANDY
You can’t tell me to do that!
You can’t make me feel guilty for discussing my problems with the only other person on this fucking weird island!
SUNNY
Moses is not a person.
SANDY
I know that. You think I don’t know that?! I’m not crazy, I’m fucking lonely! And up to here with the logistics of this performance—
SUNNY
And it’s still all about the play! Not about survival or relationships, but the fake fucking play!
SANDY
The play is all we have.
SUNNY
Maybe for you…
SANDY
Sunny, it’s our legacy.
SUNNY
Listen to yourself.
SANDY
It will be recorded in the trees, the dunes, the shrubberies—
SUNNY
You’re delusional!
SANDY
Am I?! Am I delusional for placing faith in a higher form of nature? While entombed within its benevolent loins?!
SUNNY
Is that a line from the play?
SANDY
Can’t you see it’s all the same, now?! Life is art! We have created perpetual motion!
SUNNY
Can we just breathe for a moment?
They do a coordinated breathing exercise. The tension eases.
SUNNY
It doesn’t feel right, anymore. We’re feeding each other this bogus narrative to stave off heat stroke and starvation, when we should be focusing on getting off this fucking shitpile of shit!
SANDY
(breath)
This may be silly, HAHA YEAH I GET IT, but don’t, please don’t, burn away the last shred of fantasy we have left.
SUNNY
Oh, well I’m not sure about you, but I can fantasize all I want. I do it all day. I fantasize about all my friends back home. My family. Drugs. Parties. Track lighting. My husband. Everything.
SANDY
But not me.
SUNNY
Oh, I do. I have fantasies about you. About life without you. Some goddamn peace and quiet.
SANDY
If I didn’t know better, that would sound like a threat.
(beat)
Can we take it back to “one with the tide”? Try and get to the truth of the matter?
SUNNY
Yeah, I can do that.
For I am one with the tide. I carry useless, slimy sea junk on my shoulders. Mingling with garbage. Humoring the irrational.
SANDY
No, that doesn’t work for me.
SUNNY
Its devised theater, right? We merge our experiences. I think this is a good new direction. Let’s just say what we really think. Finally.
SANDY
You asked me to be more honest! I’m trying to be more honest! Where is this coming from?
SUNNY
This whole thing is stupid.
SANDY
You are.
SUNNY
Okay, I’m done. Find your own beach. I’m done. The show’s over. I fucking quit.
She storms off.
SANDY
We’re not finished! Sunny?! SUNNY??!!
Sunny doesn’t respond.
Sandy slowly starts a maniacal laugh, borne of destruction and despair.
TRANSITION
SCENE 8
SUNNY sits in the spotlight down right.
SUNNY
Hey. Sorry if it’s a bad time.
I know, but it’s getting worse. I’m starting to think she’s lost it completely.
It’s my fault, I know that.
No, it is.
Of course she doesn’t. How would that make me look if she knew I was talking to you? I’m not the crazy one. I just need – a sounding board every once in a while.
But there needs to be some sort of closure. Or we’re going to tear each other apart.
She will hang on as long as she can. It’s up to someone else.
Maybe if we spent some time apart, a hard cut, radio silence, then maybe…
She won’t do that. She would never--
She has lost herself in the stress. She is no longer responsible for her actions.
What are you saying?
No, no. It’s not that. It’s the play, it seemed like a good idea before. But things were different, then. Now, it’s just sad. She can boast all she wants that we’re performing for Mother Nature, seeking approval of the disenfranchised corners of the globe, but the fact of the matter is, we’re falling apart over a play that no one will ever see.
Yes, even it we get rescued. I mean, who the hell would pay for The Shanties of Bryniesha (pronounced BRY-NEESHA) the Scorpion Fucker or whatever she wants to call it this week? That’s student improv collective shit, right there. I was a cruise performer, we’re in a league of our own.
I just feel my solution is better. Sever all contact for a while, fend for ourselves, re-discover ourselves. A trial separation – no, that implies reconciliation. But I mean, maybe, if we got off this beach—
No. Stop saying that. I’ll just – I’ll have to be the bad guy. But – it’s for the best, especially if we stay here. Yeah.
Agreed.
Thanks Moses. I should get some sleep. I’ll do it tomorrow.
(giggles)
You’re such a perv.
TRANSITION
SCENE 7
SUNNY stretches, does vocal warm-ups.
SANDY enters in a hurry.
SANDY
Sorry, babe, I got turned around in the woods.
They kiss. Sandy goes for the prop box.
SANDY
What did you wanna work today? The confessional? The dinner scene?
SUNNY
Um. Hi.
SANDY
Hi.
SUNNY
Nice to see you.
SANDY
Huh?
SUNNY
You were gone for five hours.
SANDY
Yeah? It’s a big island.
SUNNY
I get nervous when you disappear like that.
SANDY
I was free-associating repressed memories for Bryniesha the MerDame and I got turned around. What’s the problem?
SUNNY
You were never late on the cruise ship. You were the clicky click thing that kept us together. What is that thing?
SANDY
Metronome.
SUNNY
No, not the stadium. The clicky thing.
SANDY
The clicky thing that keeps perfect time for musicians?
SUNNY
Yeah, that thing.
SANDY
It’s called a Ticky Tick.
SUNNY
Ah. Yes. Well, my point is, you’ve been acting -- different.
SANDY
I’m inspired. By creation. By companionship. Something’s happening here. With this. I can taste it, you know. Can you taste it?
SUNNY
You’ve been wandering off. Into the woods.
SANDY
I like walking. It helps the creative process. Who dubbed you interrogator Sondheim?
SUNNY
You know why.
SANDY
(beat)
Yeah. But you don’t need to worry.
SUNNY
Promise?
SANDY
Promise.
They kiss. It’s uncomfortable.
SUNNY
I’m wanna work on the fight scene. I’ve been stretching.
SANDY
Okay. Great. Fight scene. Okay, okay, so -- Bryniesha the MerDame has just been confronted with the ghosts of her torrid past.
SUNNY
Are we still calling her Bryniesha the MerDame? I thought we were gonna change it.
SANDY
This is news to me.
SUNNY
We were tossing around that story about the scorpions. Maybe include that? It seems appropriate since the anecdote has such power.
SANDY
Yes, it does have immense power. Bryniesha the Scorpion Dame.
SUNNY
Scorpion-ess.
SANDY
Scorpion Queen.
SUNNY
Ooooh, Queen. That’s good.
SANDY
Nice. It’s settled, then. So, we pick up as she’s overtaken…
They start to rehearse.
Sunny ad-libs a silly fight scene with herself. Deliberately horrible. It involves a serpent hand bit.
SANDY
Huh.
SUNNY
No good?
SANDY
No, it’s just – it’s nothing. You look great.
SUNNY
There’s a problem.
SANDY
Naw.
SUNNY
You never held anything back before. What’s the deal?
SANDY
Sunny, before we weren’t as – you know, entwined as we are now. I care about your feelings.
SUNNY
But you didn’t on the cruise ship?
SANDY
Not really, no. You were the bitch in Cabin 3A who demanded fizzy water and fifteen M&Ms before she went on every night.
SUNNY
It kind of sounds silly, now.
SANDY
Yeah.
SUNNY
You cringed when I did that last bit. The serpent hand thing.
SANDY
No…
SUNNY
Yeah, you did.
SANDY
Hmm?
SUNNY
Jesus, will you use words?
SANDY
I’m sorry. I’m in my head. I just – I really want this to work out.
SUNNY
You mean not dying on a deserted island?
SANDY
No. Well, yes, that too. But this. Us. The play.
SUNNY
Yeah.
SANDY
Yeah.
SUNNY
But really – we’re just passing time, right?
SANDY
What?
SUNNY
With the play? You know, dealing with the crushing isolation that has come to define our lives?
SANDY
How can you say that? We agreed—
SUNNY
I guess I didn’t realize how important this was to you.
SANDY
You know why we’re still alive? Because we’re artists. We have the gift of manufacturing hope.
SUNNY
But you shot the flare gun into the trees because you saw a twinkle!
SANDY
It could have been a large, carnivorous cat, let’s not get hung up on / details.
SUNNY
It was the sun reflecting off a leaf! What are you talking about? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
SANDY
Calm down!
SUNNY
Are you fucking losing it? Am I losing it? Holy shit Sandy, are we both finally losing it?!
SANDY
Breathe. C’mon, breathe with me.
They do their breathing exercise.
SANDY
I’m just saying, we stay alive by keeping active. Here. Look at it this way. What made you happier than anything else, back home?
SUNNY
Cocaine.
SANDY
Okay…. so, say you were trapped on a deserted island. As an actress, an ingénue, you can easily pretend to do shit, right? So, you convince yourself that somewhere nearby, there is a huge brick of coke, just like buried a little, like under a tree. What would you do?
SUNNY
There’s coke?
SANDY
Yes. Hypothetically.
SUNNY
I’d probably tear the island a new asshole digging for coke.
SANDY
Exactly, therefore remaining active and motivated, and surviving another shitty day.
SUNNY
But I’d have to believe it. Like, really believe it.
SANDY
Yeah.
SUNNY
(deep breath)
I understand why you’re doing this. I get it. And I’m willing to go along, if that’s what you want. If that’s what I need to do.
SANDY
Great.
SUNNY
But – us? Sandy, I don’t know if I can keep doing – us anymore.
SANDY
What do you mean?
SUNNY
I found Moses.
SANDY
Huh?
SUNNY
You said you threw him out to sea.
SANDY
He probably washed back ashore.
SUNNY
On top of a decorated stump in the middle of the woods?
SANDY
The tide is unpredictable.
SUNNY
You know what? That’s okay. We can keep doing the play. I wanna keep doing the play. But I would like to spend some more time by myself. We both should. You – you deserve better than me.
SANDY
But -- we’re here together. There’s nobody else.
SUNNY
That’s what makes this so hard.
SANDY
But we love each other. You just said you love me.
SUNNY
I do.
SANDY
Great!
SUNNY
But I don’t think I’m in love, anymore. People change.
SANDY
WHAT?
SUNNY
The heart wants what the heart wants.
SANDY
Sunny, what else could your heart possibly want that can be found on this desolate fucking rock?
SUNNY
Freedom?
(beat)
It’s just not working.
SANDY
I’ll be more honest. I’ll spend more time doing whatever the fuck. The play is important. Bryniesha the Scorpion Queen’s dilemna reflects so much natural history, but, remember, we embarked upon this metaphysical journey together, seeking the ultimate modality of expression. As a couple.
SUNNY
I know when you use big words and weird hand gestures you’re in director mode.
SANDY
Make me believe you.
Sorry. Look, I promise I haven’t been talking to Moses. I didn’t throw him away, I admit that. But I stopped talking to him. I mean, maybe I said hi to him in passing a couple times, but that doesn’t count—does that count? That shouldn’t count!
SUNNY
Why would you lie?
SANDY
What’s the big deal? It is what it is. It’s not like he talks back to me.
SUNNY
You told me he does.
SANDY
That was a joke.
SUNNY
No, it wasn’t.
SANDY
Can we just – start the day over?
SUNNY
I already split the rations. I’m sorry.
SANDY
Oh.
SUNNY
Yeah.
Sandy’s demeanor completely changes, as if she’s in shock from imploding.
SANDY
Okay.
(looooooooong beat)
So, should we--?
SUNNY
Keep working?
SANDY
Sure.
SUNNY
I’m sure we can still be friends. I mean, we kind of have to.
SANDY
Sure, yeah. Okay. Let’s – uhh -- do that last scene again.
SUNNY
Did I make it weird?
SANDY
Well, I mean –
SUNNY
This is so much easier in real theaters.
SANDY
I – I think I need a walk.
SUNNY
Where are you going?
SANDY
For a walk. Can we start again later?
She holds Sandy at arms length, tries to make eye contact. Sandy half-resists.
SUNNY
Hey. It’s gonna be okay. We will be fine.
SANDY
Yeah. You’re right. I just need to process this. It’s – a big change. I’ll be ready later.
SUNNY
You sure?
SANDY
Do I have a choice?
SUNNY
Yes? Maybe? I’m sorry.
SANDY
Stop saying that. I’m an adult.
SUNNY
I know.
SANDY
Why don’t you go work on the opening monologue? We can – play with it later.
SUNNY
Not the fight scene?
SANDY
Didn’t we just do that?
SUNNY
Ha.
Sandy stands silently for a long moment, then exits.
TRANSITION
SCENE 6
Spotlight down right. We hear SUNNY before she wanders into the light.
SUNNY
Baaaaby? Where’s that sneaky Booboo? We need to stawt weheawsal soon. I saw woo wunning into the fowwwest.
(giggles to herself)
That giggle does not bode well for my sanity.
Hewwo? Hewwwoooooo?
She stops in the spotlight, notices something strange.
SUNNY
What’s that? Is that --?
MOSES!
What are you doing here? I told you to stop contacting me!
I don’t wanna hear it! You’re not even supposed to be here!
Because I don’t want you meddling. We finally have something good. I can finally fucking tolerate her for once!
I’m happy. Just – be happy for me.
Wait a minute – did Sandy--??
She lied to me. Oh my god, after everything she said. She lied to me.
Don’t try to take the blame, you sonofabitch.
Jesus, I trusted her. This confirmed all my--
Rustling nearby.
Oh shit, she’s coming.
I’ll deal with you later.
After I deal with her.
After I deal with how to find my way back to the stupid beach.
Assholes.
Sunny runs off, just as SANDY sneaks on.
Sunny watches from the shadows, and leaves upset after a moment.
SANDY
Hey. I read your notes. I love them. They’re so incisive. They really cut to the core of the heart of the soul of the theme.
I’m running late for rehearsal, but I’ll be back. The vision is so strong I feel like I’m gonna throw it up. This has become such a great secret partnership.
No, I need to go, I’m already late.
What about her--?
I don’t have time for your dirty riddles right now, Moses. Everything will be fine.
I can control her. I can control anything.
Just be happy for me.
Kisses.
She exits.
TRANSITION
SCENE 5
The two lovebirds are rehearsing.
SANDY
Scorpions are a good allegorical tool. Their nature. Their size. Their mythical implications.
SUNNY
What if Bryniesha the Tidal Witch could control scorpions?
SANDY
Does she still control the tide?
SUNNY
Tides aren’t as cool as scorpions.
SANDY
So, should we change her name, then?
SUNNY
Maybe. Maybe something like a play on a Mermaid. That explains more than a Tidal Witch.
SANDY
Yeah, people might not know what a tidal witch is.
SUNNY
Right. People.
SANDY
Like a Mermaid but a regal one. Like a Lady or a Dame.
SUNNY
I like that!
She tosses her hair in such a way as to transfix Sandy.
SANDY
Wow.
SUNNY
What?
SANDY
You are the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes on.
SUNNY
(sexy role play)
Try to remain professional. You’re my director.
SANDY
(sexy role play)
That’s right. I’m in control, here.
Let’s take five.
SUNNY
Thank you five.
They run to each other and kiss and hug and dance as
LOVER’S MONTAGE MUSIC COMES UP
They run to different corners of the stage throughout the short montage, acting out their puppy love in various tableaus.
The final bit has Sandy sensually running offstage.
The MUSIC COMES TO AN ABRUPT HALT when Sunny picks up a blanket, and MOSES falls from it and rolls across the floor.
She goes and picks it up.
SUNNY
Why were you hiding there?
(beat, listens)
Hello? Did you just --??
Startled, she drops it, just as Sandy re-enters, wearing the sexiest garments she could cobble together.
SANDY
Hey there…
SUNNY
What’s the water bottle thing doing in the blanket?
SANDY
Oh, I – uhh –
SUNNY
You said you didn’t like it.
SANDY
His name is Moses.
SUNNY
What?
SANDY
We – got to know each other at the beginning, when you and I weren’t talking. I came clean about that during the rainstorm, remember?
SUNNY
We have each other now. We don’t need a weird talking water bottle thing.
SANDY
You’re right.
SUNNY
Let’s get rid of it. It’s starting to creep me out, too.
They both look to Moses quickly as if he just said something loud.
SANDY
If that’s what you want.
SUNNY
I want you. Time to invest in the living.
SANDY
Of course. My love. I’ll send it off at sunset.
SUNNY
Great.
They hug.
SANDY
I’m so happy.
SUNNY
I honestly don’t think anything can ruin it.
TRANSITION
SCENE 4
SANDY and SUNNY are reluctantly huddled together, shivering.
It’s a rain storm.
SUNNY
Thanks for warming me up.
SANDY
Yeah, well, didn’t have a lot else going on.
SUNNY
I’m sorry I was so horrible to you. I just – got used to a certain way of life.
SANDY
Me too.
SUNNY
Wow. That wasn’t sarcastic at all.
SANDY
(sarcastic)
Oh no, not at all.
SUNNY
Seriously. What is your problem with me?
SANDY
You’re entitled, you’re disrespectful, you’re loud—
SUNNY
But I’m apologizing. Look, if we’re gonna survive on this island, we need to come to some sort of – agreement.
SANDY
Okay…
SUNNY
I put it all out there. What about you?
SANDY
What about me?
SUNNY
What do you want?
SANDY
Who cares?
SUNNY
I do.
SANDY
It’s embarrassing.
SUNNY
Go on.
SANDY
I want what I’ve always wanted. You. I’ve been in love with you since we left port. So, I acted out, and projected my insecurities and treated you like a stupid vapid asshole.
SUNNY
It was all just a security blanket?
SANDY
Silly, huh?
SUNNY
I’ve never been propositioned by a woman.
SANDY
Sorry.
SUNNY
It’s – nice. My husband just grunts when he’s ready to have sex. You know, come to think of it, I’ve never had a fairytale romance with any man in my entire life.
SANDY
Well, you know what they say? When on a desert island…
SUNNY
No, what do they say?
SANDY
Uhh – try new things?
SUNNY
Huh. Is that like an old Proverb?
SANDY
Yes.
SUNNY
I like it.
SANDY
And also –
SUNNY
What?
SANDY
I’m scared that – no one will ever find us. I started talking to that water bottle thing that was here when we washed up.
SUNNY
Really?
SANDY
Yeah, that’s how lonely I’ve been. Talking to Moses the water bottle thing.
SUNNY
Does Moses – talk back?
SANDY
I don’t wanna talk about it. It’s weird. I’m over it.
What if we just wither and die out here?
SUNNY
Well, we just need to keep busy.
SANDY
Doing what?
SUNNY
What we do. Create. Perform.
SANDY
Huh.
SUNNY
We can put on a play. Just for ourselves.
SANDY
(light bulbs turning on)
And Mother Nature. The ultimate critic.
SUNNY
Sure.
SANDY
An allegory about a lonely Sea Nymph…
SUNNY
Bryniesha The Sea Nymph!
SANDY
No, no – Sea Nymph is too mainstream. We need something ethereal. Mysterious. Tidal Witch. Bryniesha the Tidal Witch.
SUNNY
This is a great idea.
Long beat, where they do awkward cutesy courtship stuff.
Then they kiss.
Music fades up. The rain ends and the sun comes out.
TRANSITION
SCENE 3
The stage is divided by the TRUNK.
SANDY sits stage right of the trunk. She speaks to Moses, who rests on top of it.
SANDY
So I pulled my pants from the sink and ran home. It was literally the worst thing ever. The next day, fifth grade started. I had my first kiss in fifth grade. My sister’s feret, Gonzo.
You’re a great listener, Moses.
I’d rather talk to you than that walking implant any day.
No, don’t say that.
Wait, did you just say something?
Man, maybe I’m losing it.
SUNNY enters distraught, waving clothes towards the sea.
SUNNY
HELP! HEEEELLPPPP!
SANDY
It’s been ten days. Nobody’s coming.
SUNNY
What do you care?
SANDY
I don’t. You can literally do anything you want, and I’ll just be here. Waiting for you to die so I can eat you.
SUNNY
Nice.
SANDY
(mocking)
Nice.
SUNNY
Savage!
SANDY
Princess!
SUNNY
You’re a terrible writer!
SANDY
You’re a terrible singer! Casting you was the biggest mistake I ever made!
SUNNY
How dare you! I won three consecutive Maritime Entertainment Awards!
SANDY
After fucking the judges!
SUNNY
Only two of them! At least I’m not sexually repressed!
SANDY
(no answer)
SUNNY
Oh nooooo, run out of insults to fling at me?
SANDY
No, I …
SUNNY
Now look who’s in control. BAM!
SANDY
I’m still the one with the flare gun.
SANDY is startled by something in the bushes offstage.
SANDY
AH! Something’s in the trees!
SUNNY
WHAT?!
In a panic, SANDY fires the flare gun offstage.
SUNNY
Wasn’t that our one flare?!
SANDY
There was something in the trees.
SUNNY
Okay?
SANDY
Shut up whatever! I HATE YOU!
SUNNY
Great! We will just mind our own business and never speak or interact again!
CLAP OF THUNDER, LIGHTNING
TRANSITION
SCENE 2
MOSES THE WATER CANTEEN rests in a spotlight.
MOSES (VO)
(singing)
Of course this land is dangerous
All of the animals are capably murderous
(sees audience)
Oh, goodness – didn’t see ya there.
Who, me? Awww jeezm, I been livin’ on this here beach for a very long time. I’ve seen all sorts of comins and goins, and not all of ‘em good.
This place, it acts like a beautiful blank canvas. Untainted, innocent, pure. Things and people that wash up here tend to paint their own shit all up on it.
Man, I’d just got it back to the way I liked it. Took me sixty five years.
Then this damn cruise liner ups and capsizes right off the reef.
Sheeeit, I thought I’d be hosting a violent group of scared white people, weaving in and out of various soap opera narratives and flashbacks, but it seems only a couple made it ashore.
And I don’t mind sayin’ they ain’t a might bad on the eyes, either.
No, Moses. You know what happened last time. Leave them alone.
You never know. Isolated beaches can leave folks lonely. Sure’d be a shame to deprive the nice ladies of some good, old fashioned—
Moses, you watch your mouth. I ain’t lookin’ for that kind of trouble. Not again.
Aw shucks, here I am babbling on and on with myself.
Y’all came here for a story. And I’m fixin’ to deliver.
So the two survivors have been squattin’ for a week or two, gettin’ on each others nerves the way two budding lovebirds tend to do.
Ya ask me, something’s gotta give…
TRANSITION
SCENE 1
Darkness and silence. Empty stage.
SUNNY walks out, addresses audience.
SUNNY
Isolated.
SANDY enters.
SANDY
Hopeless.
SUNNY
Vulnerable.
SANDY
Exposed.
SUNNY
Just a few of the words that come to mind when one hears the phrase “deserted island”.
SANDY
Unpredictable.
SUNNY
Nature at it’s most cunning.
SANDY
It’s cunningest.
SUNNY
Yes, cunningest.
SANDY
Yes, true. There is no saying what can happen. With no phone.
SUNNY
No food.
SANDY
No exit plan.
SUNNY
No help.
SANDY
Do you give up…?
SUNNY
Or hunker down and charge right on through?
SANDY
Like love.
SUNNY
Like everything.
SANDY
Everything that can wither.
SUNNY
And turn sour.
SANDY
A play about a play.
SUNNY
A play about connection and eruption.
SANDY
Hope and despair.
SUNNY
That we create.
SANDY
With you.
AUDIENCE MEMBER
Oh shit, is this one of those?
SUNNY
A brutal glimpse into the human condition.
SANDY
To love.
SUNNY
To die.
SANDY
To redeem.
SUNNY
And rectify.
SANDY
So, yes, you have all been brought here, to this remote site, in the elements, willingly, to help us embark on a new form of storytelling.
SUNNY
Beyond collaborative, beyond devised, beyond site-specific, beyond the cosmos, the inter-dimensional white hot light of truth.
SANDY
The royal truth.
SUNNY
Embedded in falsities.
SANDY
Cloaked in shadows.
SUNNY
Betrayed by memory.
SANDY
By time.
SUNNY
The stage: a deserted island beach.
SANDY
The sounds of waves crashing.
Waves crashing.
SUNNY
Your humble players are we.
SANDY
Quick, my fellow experiencers, what do you find on a beach?
AUDIENCE MEMBER
Sand!
SANDY
Right you are. The bedrock of the beach. Unless it’s a rocky beach. And I shall be called Sandy.
SUNNY
Quick, fellow experiencers, ways a deserted island can kill you?
AUDIENCE MEMBER
Heat stroke!
SUNNY
Yes, nature’s unequivocal judge, jury and executioner, the sun. I shall be called Sunny.
SANDY
After being tossed from the wreckage of a luxury cruise ship, creative director Sandy and her leading performer Sunny are washed ashore.
SUNNY
And last, but not least, a single prop which must be uniquely integrated into the narrative.
A WATER CANTEEN is tossed onstage.
SANDY
Yes, how truly appropriate. A large water bottle thing.
SUNNY
(reading the label)
Thank you for the loan, Moses.
And thank you all for joining us today.
SANDY
On site. In character.
SUNNY
And, we rise.
They place MOSES on the trunk.
Lights go down, as we hear the wreckage of a cruise liner.
THE END