Two Characters Walk Into A Bar


Directed by Jess Thomas

With Randy Russell & Jaime Lee Currier

Lights up on ROSALINE sitting at a bar. She solemnly sips on some whiskey. DONALBAIN walks up with a drink in his hand.

DONALBAIN

Mind if I sit next to you?

ROSALINE

Go ahead.

DONALBAIN

You don't look like you're from around here.

ROSALINE

I'm not. Had to get away for a while. Home is too... dramatic right now.

DONALBAIN

I feel that.

ROSALINE

You from around here?

DONALBAIN

No, Scotland. I was getting away from some drama as well.

ROSALINE

Psh. Can't have been as bad as mine.

DONALBAIN

Oh yeah? My dad was murdered, my brother and I fled, a Tyrant took over and started killing people

all over the place. Then my brother went back, fought a war and now he's king.

ROSALINE

Damn.

DONALBAIN

Yeah. You?

ROSALINE

Well my ex-boyfriend fell in love with a girl, married her secretly, his best friend died on accident, then

he killed her cousin, was banished, found out she was dead, killed himself, she wasn't dead, so then she killed herself.

Takes shot

DONALBAIN

Shit.

ROSALINE

Yup.

DONALBAIN

Tragedies suck.

ROSALINE

At least you had some lines.

DONALBAIN

Like 4.

ROSALINE

Still, you're at least on stage.

DONALBAIN

Fair.

ROSALINE

You know what we need, a comedy!

DONALBAIN

What?

ROSALINE

I'm over this tragedy shit, I'm done with Verona, I'm going somewhere else, somewhere fun.

DONALBAIN

Where?

ROSALINE I think I'll go to France. I have a cousin there, we've always gotten along really well. It'll be great! No

more tragedy for me!

DONALBAIN

What'll you do?

ROSALINE

Probably just hang out with my cousin. I mean it's not like I'm gonna get banished, and then my cousin

and I will have to flee to the woods or anything like that. Although I do think I could pull off a suit.

DONALBAIN

I think you could rock the dapper look.

ROSALINE

Thank you. How about you?

DONALBAIN Oh I dunno. I guess instead of going back to Scotland I could change my name and move somewhere

else.

ROSALINE

That's the spirit. Just don't move to Denmark.

DONALBAIN

Why?

ROSALINE Just trust me on this one. I've got a friend who lives there, she's probably dead by now.

DONALBAIN

Harsh. Okay, no Denmark. As for a name, how about Petruchio?

ROSALINE

No, I don't think so.

DONALBAIN

Claudio?

ROSALINE

That's not bad.

DONALBAIN

Lysander!

ROSALINE

I like it! Good name.

DONALBAIN

Now I just need to find a girl to love. Comedies are full of romance. And no more magic, I got enough

of that from the witches. I mean what magic is there gonna be in Athens, Fairies?

ROSALINE

Ha ha, yeah right.

DONALBAIN

Are you going to change your name?

ROSALINE Maybe just the last letter. I'm kinda over offstage Rosaline, but watch out world Rosalind is here and

she's got something to say!

DONALBAIN

Rosalind, that's got a nice ring to it.

ROSALINE

Thanks.

She raises her glass

To Comedy

DONALBAIN

He raises his glass

To Love

ROSALINE

“Your heart's desires be with you.”

DONALBAIN

“The course of true love never did run smooth”

That's not a very good toast.

DONALBAIN

Don't look at me, Billy wrote it.

Did he really write that?

DONALBAIN

Yeah, it's my line.

If you say so. Cheers!

DONALBAIN

Cheers!

They drink.


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