Two Heads Are Better? Than One.
Directed by Jessica Risco With Dorian Lockett, Aeron Macintyre & Carina Lastimosa Salazar
CHARACTERS JAMES - Aeron Macintyre PETER - Dorian Lockett LARISSA - Carina Lastimosa Salazar
SETTING: San Francisco
At Rise: LARISSA is sitting on a sidewalk on Market St. near the Twitter building.
JAMES and PETER enter, smartly dressed. They ignore LARISSA.
PETER
Come on James, we’re going to be late.
JAMES So what do you think? I don’t know, I’m still thinking about it. This is a big decision, you
know. (BEAT) I don’t know what to do. I’m stymied, totally stymied.
PETER I thought you were ready? (BEAT) Who are you talking to now?
JAMES
Justin Bieber.
PETER
What, where? I don’t see - not this again/
LARISSA
/Spare change, please, spare change?
JAMES I told you, I’m not going. I haven’t decided and I’m not going till I decide.
PETER
We already decided!
JAMES I know, I’m not talking about that. I’m talking to Justin.
PETER You are not talking to Justin Bieber. We’ve already gone over this.
LARISSA
Anything will help, please, anything/
JAMES
/We don’t have any change, sorry.
PETER
Speak for yourself.
JAMES I am. (To LARISSA) Justin and I don’t have any change to give you.
PETER
I do. Here you go dear. I hope this helps.
PETER hands LARISSA a $20 bill. As he does so they exchange a secret hand signal that JAMES does not see.
LARISSA (To PETER) Twenty dollars - yeah, that’ll work,
LARISSA exits.
PETER (To JAMES) You’d think on our wedding day you’d feel a little more generous.
JAMES
Justin isn’t happy.
PETER And Justin is a cheap bastard! (BEAT) First Lady Gaga, now Justin Bieber, Stop with the
personalities, dammit/
JAMES (To PETER) You are a much nicer person than Justin. (BEAT) Yes I do mean it! NO I
WON’T TAKE IT BACK!
PETER James, you need help. You are not Lady Gaga, or Justin/
LARISSA re-enters as Lady Gaga in some kind of wedding dress.
LARISSA
Justin!
JAMES
LADY!
JAMES and LARISSA embrace.
JAMES
Girl I love you, you know dat!
JAMES and LARISSA embrace again.
PETER That’s Lady Gaga? (to JAMES) But you’re Lady Gaga, aren't you?
JAMES
No, I’m Justin or, wait, am I lady Gaga?
PETER
You used to be...
JAMES You’re freakin’ me out, man don’t that number on my head!
PETER James, we have been together for 4 years. We are on our way to City Hall. We love each
other, we committed to each other, I agreed to take you better or worse.
JAMES
Lady, you’re you right? And I’m ...?
LARISSA
You’re James, and you love Peter, and/
JAMES
Ohhhh, I’m JAMES of course!
JAMES embraces PETER
JAMES I love you honey! (TO Larissa) But , then who are you?
LARISSA
You don’t remember?
LARISSA exits, re enters with lab coat or other doctor outfit.
LARISSA James, I kept undercover till the time was right. I’m Doctor Larissa. I had to appear as
Lady Gaga to cure you. Once you saw Lady Gaga up close, you knew you couldn’t be Lady Gaga.
JAMES
(to PETER) You were in on this?
PETER I had to do something to cure you of multiple personality disorder before we got married. I
don’t want to share the bed with Lady Gaga every night.
JAMES
What about Justin Bieber?
PETER
Bieber? Ha! Timberlake, maybe...
JAMES
Peter!
PETER
Just kidding, honey. Let’s go get married! Thanks Doctor!
LARISSA So Justin Bieber is fair game now? (beat) OK then! Justin here I come!
LARISSA exits.
JAMES and PETER exit (to the strains of the wedding march.)
END OF PLAY