The B.A.R.
Directed by Aeron Macintyre With Jessica Risco, Melissa Ortiz, Melissa Keith & Leon Goertzen
Beth is sitting at the table with Liz counting money. Jen bursts in.
JEN:
We got issues.
LIZ:
510, 520... don’t fuck up my count.
BETH:
What’s up sweety? 240, 250...
JEN:
East is moving in. They sent someone to talk terms.
BETH:
What’s she look like? 270, 275...
JEN:
5, 7. 140, 150...
LIZ & BETH:
160, 170... Fuck!
JEN:
...and there’s something else.
LIZ & BETH:
What?!?
JEN: Poser!
LIZ:
What are you talking about?
JEN:
Posing as one of us.
LIZ:
Well, that just tears it!
JEN: What?
LIZ:
Just bring her in.
Jen steps out and a second later Booth enters. He’s dressed as a woman with a blonde wig. Jen follows
BOOTH:
Hey, Girls!
BETH:
Christ on a Krispi Kreme!
BOOTH:
What’s shakin’?
LIZ:
What’s your name... girl?
BOOTH:
Booth.
BETH:
That’s my name!
BOOTH:
It’s Booth, not Beth, Beth. I know all about you ladies. That’s why they sent me. We’re taking over your territory.
JEN:
Say’s who?
BOOTH:
Say’s Me.
LIZ:
You don’t have the ba...well, maybe you do.
BOOTH:
Look, girls, we all know what’s under our noses. The fantasy’s over. The East is rising. We need all your holdings now.
Beth runs at Booth. Booth pulls out a gun.
BOOTH:
Not so fast, Sis.
BETH:
You’ll never get away with it!
BOOTH:
Oh, but I will. You see, you’ve been running this side of town for too long. You’ve squandered billions since 2015. You’ve kept us down and now I’m here to take it back.
LIZ:
Let’s be rational. It’s been years since... you people held the market.
BOOTH:
You people!?! YOU PEOPLE!?!? Is that a racist remark?
JEN:
No! We don’t care that you’re oriental!
BETH:
He’s not a lamp or a rug, Jen. He’s Asian.
BOOTH:
What do you mean "He’s Asian"?
LIZ:
Asian... of Asian lineage.
BOOTH:
I know I’m Asian, Liz. But this is all girl.
They are all uncomfortable.
JEN:
I may not know Asian but, dude, you’re a dude.
He points the gun at Jen.
BOOTH:
Take that back!
BETH:
Calm down, dude...
He points the gun at Beth.
BETH:
...girl.
LIZ:
Look, I know... your people... have been marginalized over the past few years but you have to come to terms with it; you lack a vagina.
BOOTH:
STOP!
He is devastated. He crumbles to the floor. Beth goes to him and pats him on the head.
BETH:
It’s gonna be okay.
BOOTH:
I’ve heard stories about what it was like. When the tables were turned and men had a voice.
JEN:
Oh, you had more than a voice.
LIZ: Jen!
BOOTH:
AirBnB totally fucked us! Prop F came along and made criminals out of anyone with a room and a hotplate. Everything changed. You already had all the good clothes. Now we have nothing. I can’t give birth, I get paid less for doing the same job...
BETH:
Paybacks a bitch.
BOOTH:
I can’t even drive!
JEN:
That’s not ’cause your a man, man.
LIZ: Jen!
BOOTH:
How am I going to go back empty handed? Please, I beg of you, throw me a bone. Give me 48 units and I’ll walk away.
BETH:
43.
BOOTH:
45.
BETH:
Yeah, that’ll work.
They help Booth to his feet.
BOOTH:
Bring it in Sisters!
He throws his arms out for hugs. The girls all look at each other.
LIZ: Yeah, that’s not gonna work.
They all walk away from him in different directions.
END