Two Heads Are Better? Than One.

November 28, 2015

 

Directed by Jessica Risco
With Dorian Lockett, Aeron Macintyre & Carina Lastimosa Salazar
 

CHARACTERS
JAMES - Aeron Macintyre
PETER - Dorian Lockett
LARISSA - Carina Lastimosa Salazar

SETTING: San Francisco

 

At Rise: LARISSA is sitting on a sidewalk on Market St. near the Twitter building.

JAMES and PETER enter, smartly dressed. They ignore LARISSA.

PETER

Come on James, we’re going to be late.

JAMES
So what do you think? I don’t know, I’m still thinking about it. This is a big decision, you

know. (BEAT) I don’t know what to do. I’m stymied, totally stymied.

PETER
I thought you were ready? (BEAT) Who are you talking to now?

JAMES

Justin Bieber.

PETER

What, where? I don’t see - not this again/

LARISSA

/Spare change, please, spare change?

JAMES
I told you, I’m not going. I haven’t decided and I’m not going till I decide.

PETER

We already decided!

JAMES
I know, I’m not talking about that. I’m talking to Justin.

PETER
You are not talking to Justin Bieber. We’ve already gone over this.

LARISSA

Anything will help, please, anything/

JAMES

/We don’t have any change, sorry.

PETER

Speak for yourself.

JAMES
I am. (To LARISSA) Justin and I don’t have any change to give you.

PETER

I do. Here you go dear. I hope this helps.

 

PETER hands LARISSA a $20 bill. As he does so they exchange a secret hand signal that JAMES does not see.

 

LARISSA (To PETER) Twenty dollars - yeah, that’ll work,

 

LARISSA exits.

 

PETER
(To JAMES) You’d think on our wedding day you’d feel a little more generous.

JAMES

Justin isn’t happy.

PETER
And Justin is a cheap bastard! (BEAT) First Lady Gaga, now Justin Bieber, Stop with the

personalities, dammit/

JAMES
(To PETER) You are a much nicer person than Justin. (BEAT) Yes I do mean it! NO I

WON’T TAKE IT BACK!

PETER
James, you need help. You are not Lady Gaga, or Justin/

 

LARISSA re-enters as Lady Gaga in some kind of wedding dress.

 

LARISSA

Justin!

JAMES

LADY!

 

JAMES and LARISSA embrace.

 

JAMES

Girl I love you, you know dat!

 

JAMES and LARISSA embrace again.

 

PETER
That’s Lady Gaga? (to JAMES) But you’re Lady Gaga, aren't you?

JAMES

No, I’m Justin or, wait, am I lady Gaga?

PETER

You used to be...

JAMES
You’re freakin’ me out, man don’t that number on my head!

PETER
James, we have been together for 4 years. We are on our way to City Hall. We love each

other, we committed to each other, I agreed to take you better or worse.

JAMES

Lady, you’re you right? And I’m ...?

LARISSA

You’re James, and you love Peter, and/

JAMES

Ohhhh, I’m JAMES of course!

 

JAMES embraces PETER

 

JAMES
I love you honey! (TO Larissa) But , then who are you?

LARISSA

You don’t remember?

 

LARISSA exits, re enters with lab coat or other doctor outfit.

 

LARISSA
James, I kept undercover till the time was right. I’m Doctor Larissa. I had to appear as

Lady Gaga to cure you. Once you saw Lady Gaga up close, you knew you couldn’t be Lady Gaga.

JAMES

(to PETER) You were in on this?

PETER
I had to do something to cure you of multiple personality disorder before we got married. I

don’t want to share the bed with Lady Gaga every night.

JAMES

What about Justin Bieber?

PETER

Bieber? Ha! Timberlake, maybe...

JAMES

Peter!

PETER

Just kidding, honey. Let’s go get married! Thanks Doctor!

LARISSA
So Justin Bieber is fair game now? (beat) OK then! Justin here I come!

 

LARISSA exits.

 

JAMES and PETER exit (to the strains of the wedding march.)

END OF PLAY

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