The B.A.R.

November 28, 2015

 

Directed by Aeron Macintyre
With Jessica Risco, Melissa Ortiz, Melissa Keith & Leon Goertzen

 

Beth is sitting at the table with Liz counting money. Jen bursts in.

 

JEN:

We got issues.

LIZ:

510, 520... don’t fuck up my count.

BETH:

What’s up sweety? 240, 250...

JEN:

East is moving in. They sent someone to talk terms.

BETH:

What’s she look like? 270, 275...

JEN:

5, 7. 140, 150...

LIZ & BETH:

160, 170... Fuck!

JEN:

...and there’s something else.

LIZ & BETH:

What?!?

JEN:
Poser!

LIZ:

What are you talking about?

JEN:

Posing as one of us.

LIZ:

Well, that just tears it!

JEN:
What?

LIZ:

Just bring her in.

 

Jen steps out and a second later Booth enters. He’s dressed as a woman with a blonde wig. Jen follows

 

BOOTH:

Hey, Girls!

BETH:

Christ on a Krispi Kreme!

BOOTH:

What’s shakin’?

LIZ:

What’s your name... girl?

BOOTH:

Booth.

BETH:

That’s my name!

BOOTH:

It’s Booth, not Beth, Beth. I know all about you ladies. That’s why they sent me. We’re taking over your territory.

JEN:

Say’s who?

BOOTH:

Say’s Me.

LIZ:

You don’t have the ba...well, maybe you do.

BOOTH:

Look, girls, we all know what’s under our noses. The fantasy’s over. The East is rising. We need all your holdings now.

Beth runs at Booth. Booth pulls out a gun.

BOOTH:

Not so fast, Sis.

BETH:

You’ll never get away with it!

BOOTH:

Oh, but I will. You see, you’ve been running this side of town for too long. You’ve squandered billions since 2015. You’ve kept us down and now I’m here to take it back.

LIZ:

Let’s be rational. It’s been years since... you people held the market.

BOOTH:

You people!?! YOU PEOPLE!?!? Is that a racist remark?

JEN:

No! We don’t care that you’re oriental!

BETH:

He’s not a lamp or a rug, Jen. He’s Asian.

BOOTH:

What do you mean "He’s Asian"?

LIZ:

Asian... of Asian lineage.

BOOTH:

I know I’m Asian, Liz. But this is all girl.

 

They are all uncomfortable.

 

JEN:

I may not know Asian but, dude, you’re a dude.

He points the gun at Jen.

BOOTH:

Take that back!

BETH:

Calm down, dude...

He points the gun at Beth.

BETH:

...girl.

LIZ:

Look, I know... your people... have been marginalized over the past few years but you have to come to terms with it; you lack a vagina.

BOOTH:

STOP!

 

He is devastated. He crumbles to the floor. Beth goes to him and pats him on the head.

 

BETH:

It’s gonna be okay.

BOOTH:

I’ve heard stories about what it was like. When the tables were turned and men had a voice.

JEN:

Oh, you had more than a voice.

LIZ:
Jen!

BOOTH:

AirBnB totally fucked us! Prop F came along and made criminals out of anyone with a room and a hotplate. Everything changed. You already had all the good clothes. Now we have nothing. I can’t give birth, I get paid less for doing the same job...

BETH:

Paybacks a bitch.

BOOTH:

I can’t even drive!

JEN:

That’s not ’cause your a man, man.

LIZ:
Jen!

BOOTH:

How am I going to go back empty handed? Please, I beg of you, throw me a bone. Give me 48 units and I’ll walk away.

BETH:

43.

BOOTH:

45.

BETH:

Yeah, that’ll work.

 

They help Booth to his feet.

 

BOOTH:

Bring it in Sisters!

 

He throws his arms out for hugs. The girls all look at each other.

 

LIZ: Yeah, that’s not gonna work.

 

They all walk away from him in different directions.

 

END

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