Rock-A-Byte
Directed by Mario Gonzales
With Jessica Risco, Jennifer Le Blanc & Alison Whismore
At Rise: Alison, Jessica and Jenn in a dystopically futuristic kitchen in San Francisco.
In the future.
JESSICA
Hand me the scissors, will you?
ALISON
We don’t got no scissors. Anymore.
JESSICA
Sure we do, In the kibozzolater.
JENN
We don’t have kibozzolater. ANY kibbozolater. They took it.
JESSICA
Who is “they?”
ALISON
“They” is the ones that took it. Took all the kibozzolaters.
JENN
They took all those kibozzolaters, and the cremshaws, and the holyhighhats, and now we
can’t/
JESSICA
/They didn’t take them all we still have a bunch of holyhighhats in the drawer, use those.
JENN
But they won't come out looking so nice like they do.
JESSICA
The babies are waiting, we need to get these done.
ALISON
Everyone will laugh, they won’t look nice as the others.
JENN
We could do it the old way, use those needles we used to/
ALISON
/No! We come too far . I don’t miss the old ways at all. Especially the sex part to get them
babies started.
JESSICA
I never heard of using needles, that sounds gross.
ALISON
Sex is gross. Needles are for knitting, not poking. How d’you think we made all them in
the day? No kibbozolaters or cremshaws when I started/
JESSICA
/I never heard of anyone using needles.
JENN
You haven’t heard of that before? Interesting...
JESSICA
What? You think I don’t know my way around baby sweaters?
JENN
YOU’RE still a baby. If you’ve never used the old way/
JESSICA
/ No kibbozolaters, just the holyhighhats, it’ll take us forever to make all these sweaters.
And I like to throw in the little hats, the babies look so cute.
ALISON
No hats! If we’re going back to knitting ain’t no time. And babies look stupid with them
hats.
JENN
Jessica’s right, we need the hats.
JESSICA
We owe it to the parents.
ALISON
We’re not getting paid for this, we do it out of/
JENN
/love? We are 3 friends trying to do something, something old-fashioned for those old- fashioned souls who still have babies. Because...because...we/
JESSICA
We don’t want this new world to pass us by?
ENN
Hmpff.
ALISON
I don’t miss babies.
JENN
I miss babies, and kids, and poopy diapers, and birthday parties with too much cake. And sex. I love that some people still do it and still make their own babies. We should have more babies.
JESSICA
I remember babies. I think I do. They’re those little squishy things, make a lot of noise, right?
ALISON
And they skin their knees and you have to kiss them to make them better.
JESSICA
Ewww.
JENN
And they smile, and give you hugs when they get older.
ALISON
Jessica, what you missed! Chocolate. Sleeping. Birthday parties.
JESSICA
We still have birthday parties With real food. Food products. Food products with traces of
food.
JENN
The cakes never come out the same./ And vape candles? The Fire Hazard act went too far
with that.
ALISON
Lotsa things went too far. I usta think getting rid of sex and all that hoopla, started out like a
good idea. No muss, no fuss. Grow new humans as we needed ‘em. But now the only
kind they grow are ...hipsters.
JENN
And tech zombies.
JESSICA
They aren’t really zombies, are they? (BEAT) No, come on, they’re real, just not very nice.
JENN
And they take the place of real people, take everything they can get, insatiable appetites/
ALISON
/Calm down there Jenn, ain’t no zombies here. Just us 3 gals, drinking some nice cocoa
flavored drink product, getting some sweaters made for those few new little ones. Little
ones. I miss my little one. She? He? Must be all grown now. Farming out there on Mars,
that’s the last I heard. Married one of them hipsters probaly. Growing them farm-to- Facebook tomato-type foods.
JESSICA
Yeah, yeah, how do we do this? Needles, really?
ALISON
I still have mine.
JENN
Me too.
JENN and ALISON start knitting.
ALISON
Knit one, purl 2, knit one, purl two.
JESSICA
So how/
JENN
/I’ll show you. Knit one, purl two, knit one, purl two...
ALISON
It’s like my granma used to say...
JENN
What was that?
ALISON
Ah hell I don’t remember. By that time it was just a videoscope granma anyway. Never
mind.
JESSICA
Sounds nice though. Grandma giving advice.
ALISON
I’ll give ya some damn advice. Watch your purl two’s you’re making ‘em purl ones/
JENN
It’s nice to be knitting again, come on.
ALISON You’re right If we work quick we can make a few of them little hats. Blue for boys, pink for the girls.
JENN and JESSICA stare.
JESSICA
Even I know there aren't such things anymore. Babies decide when they feel like it.
ALISON
You’re right. Going back to the needles, made me forget. Babies decide when they want
nowadays. (Beat) I’m doing the pink and blue anyways.
JESSICA
Suit yourself.
JENN
I’ll do yellow, can’t go wrong.
JESSICA
Knit one, purl two, knit one, purl two.
ALL chime in “Knit one. Purl two” as play ends.
END OF PLAY.